Jubilee

My cousin inspired me.  Last January she chose a word to be a theme and focus for her year.  Hers was FREE and you can link to her blog here to read more.

Last week I was at a conference and in worship I was praying and really felt ministered to by the Lord…like He was speaking the word “jubilee” to me regarding this year.  Then today I looked up the definition and context for jubilee as I was contemplating what “my word” would/should be.  Jubilee it seems is often used at anniversaries…25th, 50th, etc.  And of course, it’s a celebration.  I turned 29 on Nov 10th.  I became a Christian at the ripe old age of 4.  This is my 25th anniversary of loving Jesus, of a commitment to faith in Him.  And so, jubilee, I believe is exactly the word to choose.  I’m not sure what this year will look like, where it will take me or what I’ll discover along the way…but I’m pretty excited about a year of jubilee.

Midterm

I had what I would eloquently label, a meltdown Wednesday morning. Anna came into the kitchen and happened upon it: me crying, frustrated, angry, utterly overwhelmed and I’d just woken up less than 5 minutes before…like I said, a meltdown. It was the first real meltdown of the quarter. I’d been on the brink a couple times. I took 19 credit hours this quarter…this, a quarter that I was warned would be intense even with the typical 14 credit hours. I added 5 more for good measure. This is grad school and in this accelerated program, it’s a pretty stellar, intelligent, even exclusive group of students. It’s a 2 C’s and you’re out deal, mostly because there’s no time to retake anything. It’s all A’s and B’s or nothing. And it’s all overachiever types. We have a group project right now. Oh my, how the personalities clash when they’re so similar. It’s all competition and sizing up the other and trying to prove you’ve got what it takes; it feels like I’m in a boys’ locker room.

…only it’s changing, all of us are realizing.

I was warned it would be intense; I’ll give them that. And I was arrogant; I’ll give me that. I think if I could replay every prayer I’ve prayed in the last 5 weeks they would mostly consist of: Lord, I’m not kidding, I need a miracle, I need help and I need You to take control. He might have me right where He wants me. Yes, yes I believe He does.

I apologized to Anna for having to witness such behavior first thing in the morning. She said, gracious one that she is, “Kara, it’s just because you’re stressed. It’s not a big deal. It’s really okay.” Then she proceeded to take care of what I was upset over, encourage me with the perfect Truth I needed to read & hear AND she brought me Starbucks the next morning. The other ladies in the house have prayed with and for me, have generously given patience, backrubs, sympathetic smiles, jokes, willing arms and bodies on which I can practice techniques and listening ears…they’ve volunteered to help, every one of them, despite the fact that they too are busy. And it extends beyond the house to my church and my family: I’ve received letters, e-cards, flowers, songs via email, voicemails all from friends and family encouraging me, letting me know they’re praying for me, are proud of me and love me. Receiving is harder than I thought. I watch in wonder at the beauty, truth, grace and patience they give. I watch in wonder at the Lord providing help, miracles and taking complete control, just as I’ve desperately asked Him to do day in and day out.

Casey asked me, “Kara, how does it feel to know you’re where God wants you, to know that He got you there and to know that because it’s been Him and you’re in His purpose for you, you won’t fail?” Casey, I would say, it feels indescribable. I really had no sense of that feeling until this week. I have a confidence unlike any other and it’s not at all because of me; I see clearly the state of my abilities and strength and it’s not enough. It’s not that I cannot fail, because I can. In fact, if it were dependent on me I would have already failed multiple times. Rather, it’s that He won’t fail. He can’t and He won’t. He will accomplish His purpose, period.

So, as a midterm tribute to Him for answering my plea AND as tribute to the generous spirits of those He’s using to sharpen and encourage me along the way:

Pathophysiology midterm: 72/74 = 97%

Statistics & Lab midterm: 49/50 = 98%

Nursing 611 (lecture, lab and clinical): 39.8/43 = 93%

What I want to be like when/if I’m a parent…

I have the deepest respect for this woman, for her marriage and her example of motherhood, for so many reasons…so real, so precious.

And this post is prime example of why…she is such a fantastic representation of the kind of parent God is…

Read more here.

N Broadway House Brownies

A glimpse into day-to-day yumminess of the N. Broadway House. A 9×13 pan of chocolate something was left on our counter top with the following note er, dialogue:

Hot Beauties!

Sometimes when I PMS I make decadent things like brownies…so help yourselves! And they’re still whole wheat, low fat, and have less sugar in them.

~N

Then how are they still brownies?

~A

…Well in my relationship with brownies and the like, I have found that there are two types. The first type is like that random guy who you can dance with for one night and it is a good fix but it’s only dancing and you don’t ever feel guilty afterwards (i.e. brownies that are low fat, low sugar, etc.) The other type is the guy who you want to like pole dance for… (i.e. your husband) That’s like the super brownies with no-holds yumminess and because you’re committed to eating them, there’s no shame/guilt as these would be if you weren’t committed to them…like if you had only needed a little PMS fix and not a Huge one! J So that’s my answer for how they can still be brownies. Ha ha.

~N

I will eat them all until I find out what type they are.

~KRB

So, WAIT! I have to be married before I can enjoy the real-deal, “no-holds” version of brownies? I might have fallen short of this. I will let my co-workers know they should not refer to me as the “Virgin Mary” any longer. Ooooops. If you need me I’ll be in confession eating a brownie.

~Kara

Hilarious!!!! J

~N

Heat sensitive material

I have this bowl at my house. It changes color when it’s heated: green when it’s room temperature, yellow when it’s hot. Someone got it as prize from a cereal box. I think I might be like the bowl. When it’s room temperature in my life, when I’m cool and under normal circumstances, I’m easy going, practical, moderate and tolerable, funny even. Can you imagine?

But crank up that heat, put me in tough situations and watch me change color. I was sick this week, really sick; lose-8-pounds-in-106-hours sick. And by the last day I was so tired and frustrated, I cried. I did the “will this ever be over” whine. That was only a few degrees change: 98.6 to a little over a 101. Hmmm, this is not, I hope, an indication of my normal reaction to heated situations.

I’m heaving a sigh, getting ready to start grad school in almost exactly 1 month. Heat. Yesterday, I signed my Master Promissory Note and went $20,500 into debt for the 1^st year alone. Heat. Speaking of, I need to go buy my stethoscope; let me just add that to my to-do list. Heat. One moment, please…

This will be, they promise, an intense regimen of study and skill and time management. Heat. The “time will fly, though” they say. And I wonder, will it fly for everyone else around me…the ones that will walk through this 3 year season with me…my family, my friends? Or will this be a season when they just put up with the busy, under pressure version of me? …the heated version of me?

I really like who I am right now. I’m not perfect, not even close. But I’m so me…I’ve never been so me…or at least not since I was 6. And, I’m having fun being me. BUT, I remember who I was, too, just a few years ago. The fear that creeps in is that when heated, I’ll revert. I hear my friend say, “Kara, you’re not who you were then.” …then, when I was under heat, I wonder? Am I like the color-changing bowl in the cupboard?

So, we’ll see, I suppose. Time and you will tell…how does Kara respond to heat?

Embark…

Two key people in my life have left Columbus…and not just Columbus. They’ve left the country. Noelle (and her good, good husband Daniel) are in Thailand and Beth is in Nicaragua en route to Honduras. They were the 2 reasons I began attending the church I’m attending. They are two people with whom I have much history…which is so rare for me as I’ve moved A LOT. They are two friends that can and do say the things I need to hear…they’re honest and they’ll go there…challenging me, pushing me, questioning me, loving me regardless. It is so bittersweet to send them off. On the one hand, they are where they want to be and where God has called them to be, fulfilling the plan He has for them…being obedient and amazing and I’m so proud of them, there are not even words. On the other hand, they’re far away from me.

I’ve almost always been the one that goes away. I move away, I go away to school, I go away to France, I go away to Georgia, I’m the one that’s done the going in our relationships. So, now to be the one that’s staying is new to me…hard. I’m so proud of them…so want them to be where they want to be…BUT missing them too. I miss knowing that they’re here, easy to access.

We went camping a month or so ago. Well, I guess you could call it camping, kind of…there was a bug or two anyway. As we were driving away and the knot was raising in the back of my throat Beth spoke brilliance. Essentially she does that – speak brilliance. She said that yes, we are saying good-byes and going in different directions. Noelle is moving to Thailand, starting a school, learning a new language and staying indefinitely. Beth is going to Honduras to teach 2nd grade at an International school for at least a year and to be in a region of the world she loves and so longs to serve. And Kara is starting grad school to be a nurse practitioner and ultimately use it to serve on the mission field too. We’re all walking in the plan God has for us…AND we’re beginning and going on adventure together. We won’t be in the same places, we won’t be doing the same things, but we’re all heading into new things at the same time…we’re doing this together.

The past couple days this is one of two facts that have deeply encouraged me. We are on mission, apart, but together. The other is that God is so, so good. I know he sees my tears and my ache, I know he not only sees it, but He cares deeply. And He’s working in and through it to perfect us/me, to draw us deeper into Himself and to bring new and perfect gifts into our lives. I choose to trust He will deepen our friendships with each other, but also provide new, deep and meaningful relationships, valuable friends and family to serve and love and opportunities to function within the Body of Christ that we’ve overlooked previously.

I have friends all over the world. I said to Beth a few days ago, “If it wasn’t for stupid Antarctica, I would have friends on every continent.” She laughed, as faithful friends do, at my offhand perspective of Antarctica …but I do have amazing, mission minded and focused, not-just-saying-but-doing-it kind of friends! I have friends that have themselves been to every continent except Antarctica(…”stupid Antarctica” again). And not just to travel or see or experience but to serve people and to ultimately celebrate and announce the gift, glory and Kingship of Jesus Christ. The brilliance of what Beth said resounds even here. We, as the Body of Christ, are headed in different directions, to different nations, with different ministries and ideas but we do this together. We each have an individual role, a unique position in this plan, but we collectively are pursuing the glory of our God. It’s so beautiful; difficult and hard and even achingly so sometimes, but breathtakingly beautiful.

Lavish Love

It is a couple months past due, but thank you to everyone that made Lavish Love happen this year.

The fact that a 20-something girl can bring an idea to the table and have the entire body of believers rally behind her and make it happen is well, precious – to me, at least. Men, women, church leadership all gave time, money, resources, ideas, prayer, energy (lots of energy), encouragement, service…it was breathtaking and it will produce fruit. Watching you all rise to the occasion, step into stretching roles, pursue excellence and deeply desire to share the Lavish Love of Jesus with young women…it was ministry to me, too. Thank you.

For those of you out of the loop, here’s a brief summary of what Lavish Love was all about:

“Linworth Women’s Ministry and Lifeline are sponsoring Lavish Love, a conference for 8^th-12^th grade girls. This conference was originally the vision of a young woman from Georgia who saw the need for young women to truly grasp how furiously and lavishly they were loved by their Heavenly Father (1 John 3:1). She saw young women as incredibly strategic and valuable in ministering to our need-filled world. Young women who grasp their true identity in Christ will not only flourish now, but will grow to be Godly mothers of children, wives of husbands, friends and servants in their church, community and world. Their potential is limitless and ravishing.

This conference is being transplanted from Georgia to Ohio with distinct Linworth influences! We will offer “Big Sessions” with teaching, worship and fun as well as spiritually focused and fun breakout sessions. Tammy Smith and Kim Foulis will teach in our “Big Sessions” and a team of passionate, quality Linworth women will facilitate/teach our breakout sessions. This year’s theme is “Beauty for Ashes” Isaiah 61. We fully expect God to show up and do what only He can do…and for our young women to leave this conference completely bathed in God’s Lavish Love for them, ready to extend that love to their world. Please join us in praying for and supporting this conference.”

A noteworthy man…

Willing to come to my aid, serve me…not because I need to be served per se, but because it’s a reflection of his heart for God, for me and for others.

Willing to partner with me in fun and laughter…gets my humor and rolls with it.

Makes and takes opportunities for quality time together…even when we’re working…especially when we’re working.

Ever industrious, always prepared and aware of his need for rest…even from fun.

Strong enough to be vulnerable…lives a life of integrity, accountability and unabashed eye contact.

Adventuresome…safaris in the dining room, forts of blankets, cliff jumping, pursuing God with everything he’s got in him.

Shares his heart: what he’s learned, experienced, seen, found with me, with peers and with those he ministers to…he’s a giver, he’s a learner and observer of people, he’s quick to value and love people

Teepees and 70 year olds vs. others opinions

Happy Father’s Day

My dad died August 1, 2000. I just got off the phone with my brother…the brother that has braved the storms of father-child relationships and loss with me. We spent the conversation sharing memories, positive and real, hard and funny of our father. When we hung up, I went and pulled a letter out of my red journal. I wrote this letter two years ago…July 17, 2006. Thought I’d share, for transparency sake, for healing, for camaraderie, for honoring the memory of a not-perfect father…

Dear Dad,

I realize being human means we have lots of layers and I didn’t always get to see all of yours. Part of that is probably normal for a father-daughter relationship. Part of that was circumstance. And probably part of that was choice…yours and mine. But I really wanted you to know that I do remember good times with you…I remember that layer. I remember my childhood being a happy one. And I wanted you to know that you were instrumental and influential in those memories. I remember waiting up at night, fighting to stay awake just to see you when you came home from a business trip or from work. I remember being really hugged by you. I remember sitting on your lap or leaning over and steering that old brown truck. I remember making our weekly pilgrimage to the flea market and I got (heaven forbid) scrunchies and gloves. I remember how hard I laughed, so hard I could barely breathe when you counted mine and Tyler’s ribs. I remember you dedicating that George Strait song to me one time when we were riding in the car. I remember you pulling Tyler and I on sleds. I remember planting a garden in Indiana…the carrots are what I remember, though I’m sure there was probably more to it than just carrots. I remember going to the park and collecting colorful leaves and pressing them so we could make a leaf notebook. I remember playing the Alphabet game in the car on trips. I remember riding in the Z with the T-tops out and thinking that was so cool. I remember building sand volcanoes and playing at the beach in Florida. I remember playing shuffleboard at our condo. I remember you teaching me the only song you knew on the piano (and for the record it’s the only one I know now). I remember how you fixed up a special peach room for me in Brooksville. I have good memories. And I wanted you to know those weigh in the balance. They’re not forgotten. I want you to know that I commit to honoring you as my father. That doesn’t mean I’m not honest…actually it means I am…completely. Not just one sided…not just my side. It means I start acting like the best daughter I can be and actually consider you. And I’m sorry it’s taken this long for me to come to a point where I can be really honest and committed to this. Dad, I’m praying that this letter will really solidify this commitment; that it will make it very real and relevant in my life. I’m praying that I will see the fruit of obedience and the fruit of honoring your position and role in my life. But I’m also ultimately praying that this letter will represent a healing between us…you and me and God and me. And I know that would please and honor you.

~Kara