War
I feel like I’ve been at war this week, a multi-front war. Earlier today I thought it was just a two front war, which was convenient because I could attribute it to the right and left sides of my brain. The analytical, thinking, planning, linear left and the emotional, relational, mystical, holistic right. I thought it was just two issues. I was wrong. War’s way more complicated than that, isn’t it.
I’ve heard a common tactic, an effective tactic in war, is to compromise the enemy’s communications. To confuse them, thwart them, con them, distract them, busy them. Mmmm, I can speak to the effectiveness of that tactic. This week, I was busy, distracted, conned, thwarted and confused. Tricky enemy, tricky.
I’ve lived seasons of wondering if what I was hearing was the real deal. Am I hearing You, Lord or some other voice? Do I know Your voice Lord or am I turning my ear to a deceiver? “My sheep know My voice.” Over and over, I’ve heard this. This is the voice I know, I trust. And in Him I put my hope, my confidence, my life.
But those seasons, those moments of war when you’re not sure…is it You, Lord? Is this the voice of someone for me or against me…is this the voice of my Savior? Shouldn’t I know the difference? When you’re not sure you’re hearing right, when you wonder at and wander in the circumstances, when what you thought was right is up in the air…it’s tough to wait it out, to stand firm, to trust. And when it’s a lie and the lie is deep, and difficult to distinguish what do I do?
This is what I do:
I worship. I walk. I reflect on Truth, scriptural Truth over and over, till I believe it. And I communicate. I go to the Voice I trust and I sit at His feet and I ask Him, “Is this you? I should know, I know I should know. But I don’t. Will You speak in a way I’ll recognize, because I’m your sheep and you said I would know Your voice. I need to know your voice.” Then, I listen.
It’s not a formula, it’s just what I do. No magic potion, no lucky numbers, no mystical mantra…it’s just what I do. Sometimes it works right away, easy. Sometimes, like this week, it takes a while. Sometimes, it’s hard. Sometimes it’s really hard. Sometimes I walk in what I’m sure of and wait until I’m sure of the rest. The thing is…the thing is, I win, well, He wins the war and I’m on His side. He battles, He’s the soldier, He’s the victor, even when I’m lost and confused and disoriented, even when the sounds of war drown His voice…He guides, He carries me, He wages this war, and He wins. I’m so glad He wins.
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